I gave up my usual weekend of thrilling nothingness to spend a night at the Gold Coast with my parents, who were undertaking their annual coastal migration. I know many people who have a less than positive relationship with their parents and to them the thought of spending a meal, let alone a night, with their parents would be uncomfortable. I guess I'm fortunate to have had such supportive parents.
Over the course of the 24 or so hours I spent there, I was reminded of something I've continually forgotten. That despite the comradery and sense of accomplishment from successful completion of an engineering project, despite the challenge and passion of political debates, despite the thrills of adrenaline sports and despite the craziness shared with mates over more than a few drinks, I'm able to get an incomparable amount of fun and joy out of simple childish play. Between tackling the unbeatable force of nature out in the waves and the spontaneous and uncompetitive sand fights with my dad I was able to, if only only for a short time, stop giving a shit. It was the most refreshing experience I've had in a while.
While I was in my teens, my father would frequently act as though I was somewhere between 2 and 12 years old. My mother, being a conservative catholic country girl, was adamant about me gaining now real freedom until I reached the magic age of 18. I'm sure I don't have to explain how an adolescent male feels about being treated like an irresponsible young child. Yet in spite of my best efforts to rebel they managed to successfully brainwash me into being a respectable civilized member of society.
I guess what I'm getting at is there's significant respect within society for the 'innocence' of children, and yet there seems to be an assumption that we lose all that is childish about us as we mature and experience things. There seems to be an irrational "think-of-the-children" approach that insists that exposing children to certain ideas or experiences destroys their childhood. I think it's important that children be able to enjoy their youth, just as its important to gradually teach them responsibility. I also think it's important they learn that they don't need to lose everything they had in their childhood as they grow into an adult. As much as my father gave lackluster support in some areas of my life, the lesson he's taught me on not forgetting the joys of childish fun is one I consider important.
A few of my friends have started families, and as much as I don't hate kids I experienced a certain discomfort around them. I didn't know how to behave, I wanted to interact and share in their childish antics, but felt strangely like I would lose some 'manhood' by doing so. That's not to mention the fear of being seen as a man who likes kids a little too much. At the beach, there were numerous families and dozens of kids, something which made me a little bit apprehensive. However crashing into the waves the ocean threw at me, I remembered the joy of being blissfully ignorant of what others thought while engaging in juvenile freedom. And in turning around to see a young kid grinning at me after being thrashed by mother nature, I reacted in a way I haven't done with a child in a quite a while. I smiled.
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3 comments:
Yeah, I've never been a big fan of the whole "innocence" concept, whether applied to children specifically or not. partly because of what you say here, partly because it tends to lead to a very punitive and authoritarian attitude ime ("Purity and Danger," if innocence is a value then we have to purge what's "dirty" in order to be worthy, see).
also there's the Puritan work ethic at work there, I think. "I put away childish things," fun is frivolous, adulthood=utilitarianism, etc.
nice post.
as per being extra careful as a man around children for fear of witch-hunting: I sort of tweak that, I don't want to call it paranoia because it's a real phenomenon, anyway, I get that it can be used as a weapon, and while it's not used on gay women as much as gay men (or men in general, probably), yeah, I can see that. it is unfortunate.
I don't particularly like or loathe kids as a class (although the idea of teaching large classrooms full of them, for instance, is my personal idea of hell). basically I think nice kids tend to grow up into nice adults, with a few exceptions one way or the other.
ironically enough, I think that the very idea that kids (and only kids) possess some extra-special innocent magic is exactly what pedophiles tend to glom onto, if Michael Jackson or J.M. Barrie or any number of authoritarian, anti-sex offenders (in the Church or otherwise) are any indication. which came first, the attraction or the rationalization, is an interesting question.
fun is frivolous, adulthood=utilitarianism
Yeah, that's kinda what I'm getting at. Although some "adult" things, such as drinking, are quite frivolous or even destructive.
There's more than one teacher in my family but the couple of times I tutored some high school kids made me realise it's not for me. I can see myself teaching university classes, but don't think I'd ever be comfortable being in charge of a group of kids.
nice post
Thanks :)
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